I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
