Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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