I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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