he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
