we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
