i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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