I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
