If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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