you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
