Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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