I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Houston, we have a blender
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
