Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
