I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
