this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize