Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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