Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
