The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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