well you can't waste a boner
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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