ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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