Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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