I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
