very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
