1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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