Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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