well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
