weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize