Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Text me some of your sweat
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
