Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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