So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
