So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
