I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Fuck appropriateness.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
