I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
