I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
