It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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