Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
