you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
