I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
