12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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