I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
