Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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