I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am available for nakedness
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
