I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
