He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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