can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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