apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
