why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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