After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
