I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
