why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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