Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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