Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
