I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
