What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize