if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
