Christians are straight up FREAKS
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
