Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
