i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
