at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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