who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
