hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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