I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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