I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
