Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
