his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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