he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
