i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
