God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
