We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
