this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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