She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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